In 2017 I was guest on Tell Vanessa on a special episode devoted to bullying featured on Sky Showcase 212 or Freesat 161.
There’s no easy way of saying it, but bullying is abuse. Whatever the kind of bullying it may be – mental, emotional, verbal, physical or sexual; being a victim of bullying is a very painful experience.
Anyone can be bullied at any time, it doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, how old you are or your background. Once you have been bullied it’s difficult to overcome the fear it causes. Bullying strips away your confidence, self-esteem and belief in yourself.
Once a victim of bullying, the repeated patterns of fear and isolation continue in different ways and in different areas of your life.
That fear can be devastating. It holds you back from forming healthy relationships, communicating effectively, and unable to make sound judgements. The fear of conflict stops you from progressing in life, at home, school and the workplace.
“I can now go pass the school I got bullied for four years without a feeling or thought being aroused, especially without the fear and anxiety I used to feel everytime I had to go passed it, even though I left school 15 years ago, thanks Vanessa”. – VS, London
It’s time to take that first step and free yourself from the long lasting effects of bullying.
You have to take control of your life for yourself and stop the bullies from continuing to bully yourself – no matter where you might be in life. By trying to cope alone you are hiding away your true personality and identity.
The most destructive type of bullying is when you bully yourself. You might not be aware you’re doing it, but often you’ll be attacking your internal thoughts and behaviours or holding yourself back. How often do you hear your inner voice tell you that you’re ‘not good enough’? You probably don’t even question it anymore.
The first step is to stop perceiving yourself as not ‘good enough’.
Therapy cannot take away the experiences you have had, but it will remove the automatic negative thoughts and behaviours. You’ll stop repeating the same patterns over and over. You’ll get your confidence, your health and your power back. Finally, you’ll be able to believe in yourself and live a happy and successful life.
“I wanted to thank you and let you know my son has setled back to school really well and has started to make friends for the first time. He wakes up in the morning really motivated and energised and his continuing to do the exercises you showed him, because he wants to do them and says it helps him. We can see a real difference and will continue to support him as discused. Whats also fantastic is, his stopped bed wetting which I never related to the bullying and stress before. I am grateful, thanks Vanessa” – Mum, AC, age 12
I work with children and adults to overcome the effects of bullying. Over the past 12 years I’ve noticed a remarkable difference in the number of sessions needed for a child compared to an adult. This is because adults develop a very strong coping mechanism that can take a lot longer to undo.